chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
