Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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