he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
