i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
