Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
