a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
