so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
