In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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