I think I died a long time ago.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
