Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
