I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
