fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
