Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize