11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
