Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
