I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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