My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's just like the Real World with babies
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
