Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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