There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
