evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We had to coat check the pizza.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
