we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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