no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
