ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
