the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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