That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
