Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
