When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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