You can't motorboat a personality
dude i'm inner monologue high
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
