morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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