She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
