Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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