I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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