I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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