omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
