well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
