shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
