Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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