Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
