you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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