is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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