Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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