Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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