so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
