fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
