My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
