So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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