eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
