Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
