So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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