I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
