Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
