you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
