I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
