I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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