It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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