i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
