is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
