Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
