just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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