my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
