Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
