Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
