i don't like sucking hair
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thus making me awesome and them whores
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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