Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
