He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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