You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
