My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
