Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
