I molested 6 butterflies tonight
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
