Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
