Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
