I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
